Oleg Saprykin may see shrink

Unnamed sources say that Oleg Saprykin, the unsigned holdout winger the Bruins had continued to discuss contract with until recently, may have agreed to the terms the team set forth to continue negotiations.

Earlier this week, Boston Bruins General Manager Joshua Anderson revealed the team had requested that Saprykin receive an evaluation from a mental health professional. Until then, Anderson stated, all negotiations were suspended.

In a later, more casual, discussion, Anderson said the team was concerned about Saprykin's well-being. The player had been on a roller coaster wave of negotiations, had hired and fired several agents, and in fact, had fired Peyton Douglas - who he had hired only one week ago - for the services of a woman named Bobbi Boulders, who Saprykin claimed to have met "late the prior night", who convinced him to ask for his salary in all singles during contract negotiations.

"Obviously, Oleg went through a potentially traumatic experience. A plane he was on crashed, and while everyone survived, that leads to the plausibility of death. I don't blame him for going off-kilter," Anderson said. "Our first concern is Oleg's well-being. We've offered to pay for all initial evaluations, and are offering to work with the CLUTCHPA to set aside funding for additional analysis or treatment depending on the outcome. If he is fine, then we'll donate the funds to a home for mental well-being here in Boston. If not, then he is taken care of and we're paying the bills since we set up the situation. He will also have any of his own savings, and his CLUTCHPA pension to live on. But right now, he won't go, so we can't move forward."

Asked if the team is still considering offers for Saprykin, Anderson stated that they would, but that the offers had slowed lately. "We rejected some silly offers before, all of which were lowballs because he 'wasn't signed.' But that's just stupid, since they would have signed him, then traded for his rights. So, who knows what will happen. Again - we're looking out for Oleg. Our hockey club is performing just fine - well, not lately - without him."

Calls to Ms. Boulders went unanswered, but a man named "Joey Nonose" said - and I present this phoenetically for the full effect - "Yeah, dat funny tahkin dude's bin roun lately. Nize enuff, I gess, ef you'd cuhd undahstandz 'em. Hes and Bobbi went ahn ahf to that Doc, yaz know?"

While Joey Nonose apparently believes Oleg Saprykin and his "agent" may have gone to the psychiatrist, the head of the CLUTCHPA says that Saprykin will not be subjected to an evaluation, in the name of precedence.