Saprykin gives Bruins same message as League Management

After a courtship that felt even longer than the one GM Joshua Anderson had for his sweet dark haired Irish girl - which only took four years - the Oleg Saprykin- Boston Bruins flirting has ended.

Oleg Saprykin and SuperAgent Pete - yes, like Pele and Madonna, he only uses one name - have told the Bruins organization that they will, under no circumstances whatsoever, sign with the Boston hockey club.

"Apparently, Oleg has decided that after using us like Tom Kozlowski uses a copy of the Lane Bryant catalog, he finds us no more desirable than eighty percent of the population finds Lane Bryant models. Sure, they are curvy and have huge knockers, but that's because it's all fat and you sure don't want to have that cottage cheese rooting around in your fridge the next day. Oleg told the team where they could stick it, and unlike Tom, we weren't given the option of a wetnap," Anderson ranted.

"So, as a result, since we can't do squat with the son of a bitch, Oleg Saprykin will be on the market. Obviously, we realize the asking price has to decrease, but don't come with jacksquat offers."