Regime change in Boston - good for team, league
With the quick stroke of a pen - on a bail check - Boston Bruins management decided to change the course of their team’s destiny forever.
Disgruntled with the lackadaisical efforts put forth by former GMs – who, despite all the bravado, had failed to produce in recent seasons – the Bruins called the one man they knew would at least keep them entertained if they were to be losers.
After bailing him out of jail from charges of "improper conduct in a seedy establishment", the Bruins threw their new GM in the shower, gave him a clean shirt and tie, and introduced him to the CLUTCH media.
"After years of being chased to join this once-fine league," new GM Joshua Anderson began, "I finally agreed in an effort to restore the luster of the one-time crown jewel of the FSZ. Sure, the league – and the Bruins – have fallen on hard times. Look no further then the inclusion of Paul Chitsos, Tom Kozlowski, and ‘nim’ – which I think stands for 'Nosuchthingasbeing Intoo Manyleagues' in this establishment. And let’s not even talk about that hack, John Henry. Ryan Long came to me with the offer, and frankly, how could I turn down that babyface?"
Pausing to take a breath, Anderson continued, "The way I see it, the Bruins suffered from the oft-incurred 'notreallyintoit-is' under their former regime. The number of holdouts on the roster, the lines that ended up being put out there... all led to their current state. I don’t pretend to have a quick fix, but I believe that over the next three seasons, I can put this team in the upper echelon. In fact, I make that pledge now.
"Good people of Boston, if this team is not a ‘home seed’ by the end of three seasons, I will resign. I’ll even give you incriminating pictures to hang me in effigy with. Now, if you don’t mind – there are free agency moves to make and players to try and trade."
Disgruntled with the lackadaisical efforts put forth by former GMs – who, despite all the bravado, had failed to produce in recent seasons – the Bruins called the one man they knew would at least keep them entertained if they were to be losers.
After bailing him out of jail from charges of "improper conduct in a seedy establishment", the Bruins threw their new GM in the shower, gave him a clean shirt and tie, and introduced him to the CLUTCH media.
"After years of being chased to join this once-fine league," new GM Joshua Anderson began, "I finally agreed in an effort to restore the luster of the one-time crown jewel of the FSZ. Sure, the league – and the Bruins – have fallen on hard times. Look no further then the inclusion of Paul Chitsos, Tom Kozlowski, and ‘nim’ – which I think stands for 'Nosuchthingasbeing Intoo Manyleagues' in this establishment. And let’s not even talk about that hack, John Henry. Ryan Long came to me with the offer, and frankly, how could I turn down that babyface?"
Pausing to take a breath, Anderson continued, "The way I see it, the Bruins suffered from the oft-incurred 'notreallyintoit-is' under their former regime. The number of holdouts on the roster, the lines that ended up being put out there... all led to their current state. I don’t pretend to have a quick fix, but I believe that over the next three seasons, I can put this team in the upper echelon. In fact, I make that pledge now.
"Good people of Boston, if this team is not a ‘home seed’ by the end of three seasons, I will resign. I’ll even give you incriminating pictures to hang me in effigy with. Now, if you don’t mind – there are free agency moves to make and players to try and trade."
posted by JB* at 9:51 AM
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fucking spammers
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