Buffalo's New GM

Buffalo – A.P.

The Buffalo Sabres announced today that they have hired a new General Manager to take over at the helm after the previous General Manager who went by the name of ENab hung himself for disappointing the fans of Buffalo.

When asked by the media if he (Keith) would bring Buffalo back to the promise land, he responded, “Fucking right I will.”

We also asked him what his first order of business was going to be and he had this to say, “Well it’s quite obvious, but before I get to that, I would like to announce the new Captain and Assistants of your new Buffalo Sabres. Taking over as Captain will be Josef Vasicek, with his Assistants being Trent Hunter and Yared Hagos. Not to be outdone, the new captain for the Buffalo Junior team is going to be Denis Kulyash. Now that I got that done and over with, my first real order of business as General Manager of the Buffalo Sabres is to get them within league regulation of the salary cap. At the moment, we, the Buffalo Sabres, sit at about $57.1 million in salary with the salary cap being $56 million, so that will need to be handled as soon as possible and I assure you, it will be.”