Matt Cooke in exile within Columbus locker room

Columbus, OH

It appears that not only has Matt Cooke spurned his status with the Jackets coaching staff, the outcast forward has now taken up residence in a closet in the Jackets locker room. Cooke, 28, has contracted Trimethylamineuria, or Fish Odor Syndrome, which makes him smell like a dirty flounder when he sweats.

Currently there is no known cure for the disorder, but Cooke remains positive and keeps extra Old Spice on hand.

"He smells like a 40 year old man with a fish in his pocket, not to mention the fact that he sucks at hockey....its really a bad situation. We really hate him. " said Brad Boyes after a practice. Jackets linemates are wearing noseplugs on shifts and opponents are as well.

Cooke will likely be traded to a coastal city, to perhaps lessen the effect of the stench.