Bruins rumored to have contacted restricted free agent

Sources close to the organization have reported that in an effort to increase the efficiency of the squad, the franchise may have made contact with as many as seven restricted free agents.

Rumored to be on the Bruins targeted list are Kyle Chapman of the Atlanta Thrashers, Adam Colagiacomo of the Montreal Canadians, Don McLean of the Calgary Flames, Graham Mink of the Detroit Red Wings, their own Oleg Saprykin, and Martin Spahel of the Chicago Blackhawks. One name which has been bantered about is Chris Gratton of the Calgary Flames, but his cousin denied that rumor to multiple sources.

Despite giving up the eighteenth most goals in the league this season, the Bruins appear more concerned about ranking only fourteen in goals scored.

When asked for commentary, GM Joshua Anderson said that he would not comment on on-going negotiations. When pushed if that meant there were negotiations on-going, he expressed displeasure with the inquisitor. "Sneaky ass bastard! You're like my wife. Last night she asked me if I had condoms with me at the hotel since she is flying in to see me. I said yes. She then got mad, saying why the fuck did I have condoms with me when she was not there? What two-bit North Carolina whore was i sleeping with to need condoms???"

"Now tell me - how am I supposed to win that argument? So to you sir, I say only this - Give Earl the Penguins!"