Bruins fined

The league offices have issued a statement assessing an undisclosed cash penalty against the Boston Bruins for their failure to open the team locker room to gathered media following their shit-tastic! performance against the Carolina Hurricanes.

"The Boston Bruins are aware of league policy regarding availability and chose to ignore it. As such, they were assessed the penalty decided. We believe the process is fair and standard for all teams, and Boston can blow it out their cheap asses if they disagree," the press release statement read.

There has been no comment from the Bruins at this time, though some reports from the FleetCenter say GM Joshua Anderson has been fervishly reviewing game tape the last two days. It is believed he is assessing the overall roster for the impending trade deadline.